The Pee Chronicles

I have pee in every toilet in my house right now.  The seat is up, the pee is there.

Easty blatantly stated that “somebody peed and didn’t flush the toliet! It wasn’t ME!’

I know it wasn’t you Easty, it was one of the two males residing in our house. Most likely the littlest one.

Why are boys all about the pee?

When Jackson was first born, the issue was making sure the pee fountain didn’t christen you when you changed his diaper.  We even contemplated buying one of those “pee pee tee pee’s”, yes you can buy a little cover to cover the little fountain during diaper changes.  Amazingly, we didn’t succumb to the that niche consumer item.

When Jackson was potty training, we didn’t really have much success until he had the opportunity to pee standing up.  We were at the park. It was a good ten minutes to a washroom and I had Easty as a non-compliant wandering toddler.

The wonder and joy in Jackson’s face, as he watched his glistening -in-the-sun yellow stream of pee arc into the bushes behind the tree,  was so priceless.  There was awe and satisfaction in his face as he moved it back and forth on the unsuspecting shrubbery.

He never peed sitting down again.

Too bad.  I was hoping to convince him to pee sitting, like Jack Nicholson’s on screen wife in About Schmidt.  We all know what happened in the movie when he realized that he didn’t have to pee sitting down anymore, now that his wife had died.  Didn’t he realize that HE would now have to clean it up?  Men.

There was a time that I even tried to train the boy to take a little piece of toilet paper and pat the drips off.  That may have lasted a month or less.  Now all underwear is changed mornings and nights.  Lots of laundry but I can’t stand the smell of stale pee.

Now I have to turn the light on when I go to the washroom in the middle of the night.  You never know if you are going to be sitting on a seat or the bowl.  There is also a good chance that someone may not have lifted the seat and there may be splatter on the seat.  Nothing’s worse than being half asleep and your first words are OH NO as you feel the wetness under you.

What happened?  Jackson used to be so thrilled to flush?!  I thought that I would be one of moms that would have helped change history of the poor etiquette of our son’s father’s and of all the men before them.

I would be the mom, the woman who started the proper pee etiquette in our boys.

Sorry ladies.  Looks like I failed.







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