Period. That’s It.

Warning: Stop reading this right now if you are a squeamish individual, usually of the male persuasion. Stop reading if you can’t stand the thought of hearing about something that has wings, flow, absorbency, or basically anything to do with feminine hygiene products used on a monthly basis.

Bye Craig D.

What is up with my bloody period!?!?! Oops perhaps that was not quite worded correctly. Heh. I will admit to being a few months, ok 5 months, shy of turning 39 but can someone please inform my body that this has got to stop. Can this be early menopause?! Please say NO people.

I am experiencing all of the worst pre-menstral symptoms (PMS), during menstral (DM), and post-menstral symptoms (PPMS) ever in my whole life.  OK obviously those are not all the correct abbreviations or terminology, but damn it,  I will be using them a lot just to make things easier.

What do you do when you feel psychotic because of your period? Not truly psychotic but do you know what I mean? Basically I only feel normal for about one week every month.  My saying “I could set the calendar to my cycle” has not been a phrase that I have uttered since 2004.  I have not known what to expect for my PMS, DM, and my PPMS since I was pregnant with Easty.   It’s like Forrest Gump’s box of chocolates, ya never know whatcha gonna get.  

My womanhood started when I was 15 years old. I was BEGGING for it, I felt so out of the P.E. locker room conversation when anyone spoke about feeling all crampy, bloated, and having a heavy day.  I seriously thought, wow, you really must gain weight when you are menstruating. I didn’t realize that they meant a heavy blood flow. Duh!  When someone asked me for a pad or tampon, I had to say I didn’t have any. I never had any because I didn’t have my period, ever.  When it finally came, it was like an eye-dropper full that lasted for maybe three days.

Things have changed, oh how they have changed. I definitely don’t beg for it and well all I can say is that I always have to double up. I do not get to use a pantiliner or a regular flow tampon anymore, we are talking super absorbency tampon plus a full pad with wings and all.  I think my personal spending habits on feminine hygiene products have supported top salaries for both the Tampax & Always executives. Also, my cycles are lasting a full 7 day week. Honest Engine. 7 days of a full-on cycle, the last day as worst as the first, it barely peters out.

The predictability of my periods creates a whole new meaning to the word irregular.  We are all aware that if you hang out with other women on a regular basis, usually you will all get your periods at the same time. Not me.  I thought I would get mine after my one friend’s but no, I would end of getting it a week ahead of her one month. Then the next month I would get it one week behind or I would get it at the same time.  There were many times that I freaked out myself and my husband, bought the expensive early detection pregnancy test, and it was negative. 

Personally, you deal with whatever happens but you always have a conversation of how your life is going to change with one more child, and usually you think of all the crazy insane moments that you had with your children that you could have never predicted before having them.  I also think mini-van or Swagger Wagon.

I once had cramps so bad, that my co-workers actually commented on how white my face was turning with each one.  It seriously felt like I was having labour pains which prompted my co-workers to joke & ask me if I was pregnant and having a baby like the TLC show, I didn’t know I was pregnant.

I think the one symptom that bothers me the most is the adult acne. I am toting around a planetarium of constellations on my face, all connected by the zits popping up willy-nilly next to my wrinkles.  I never had acne as a teenager and now I am getting acne and wrinkles. I hit the Clean & Clear aisle for all my Salicylic Acid fixes every time it gets ridiculously out of control.  The other day, my Man commented how one zit almost casts it’s own shadow. Thanks Hon!

So that’s it.  I am booking an appointment with my Doctor and getting checked out.  To me this can’t be normal and now that I know about Ovarian Cancer and how hard it is to detect, I am going to rule it out so my hypochondriac-self can relax.

So STOP it right now Mother Nature, before I have to throw the H-card at you, you know Hysterectomy. Wait that might hurt me more than you though.  GAH!


  1. Naomi! You are NOT alone! You and I are the same age, and I too have all of the same syptoms you mentioned above.
    TOM (Time of the Month, as I refer to it) has gotten worse and worse since having my 2 children.
    PMS is so bad lately that I think my husband was happy to go back to work, 900kms away!
    I recently stopped breast feeding my son (21 months) because the PMS made me SO angry when I had to get up in the middle of the night if he woke and wanted to nurse.
    I had never felt that angry before, and it worried me because it had NOTHING to do with my son wanting to nurse, it was just…….I don’t know…….just hormones I guess!

    He’s doing great now that he’s weaned btw. I on the other hand, I think I’ve gained 10lbs because the PMS munchies are out of control some nights! 🙁

    The acne is ridiculous and nothing is seeming to work. I thought I was done with all that (will never forget Mr. Vandeen telling the class I ruined the class photo because of my acne, braces and bad haircut)

    – I think ,I’m going to find a naturopath and have a work up and see if I can get on track because I can’t live like this very much longer.

    Are you also having crying jaggs? You know – at the STUPIDEST things? Commercials, artwork your child has made you, an unexpected show of affection from your little one? Sigh. I don’t feel like myself – I’m generally a VERY patient person, soft spoken, avoid confrontation…..but the PMS is turning me into a Dr Jykle Mr Hyde scenerio!

    Keep us updated on anything that helps and I’ll do the same. I think knowing we’re not alone helps alot! Thanks Naomi!

    • Naomi Jesson says:

      Oh yes I cried my ass off on Friday! I am having the crying jaggs. It seems that we are not alone, I was just talking to another friend and she also has stated that her cycle is psychotic! I am actually booked for a Naturopath & the Doctor, I like to see both. My Dr. is pretty good at taking a more holistic approach as well but I have been meaning to check out this new-to-me Naturopath so why not do it now. *Hugs* Nice to know we are not alone.

  2. Hey, have you considered going to a naturopath?

    • Naomi Jesson says:

      Actually I am checking out this new-to-me Naturopath. Do you see one? If so, which one do you see?

  3. Dr. Alison Patton at Mountainview Wellness on King George Hwy (near Crescent Road, just past those two crazy bridges). She’s really nice and easy to talk to. I have also heard good things about Village Health Clinic right here. A friend of mine went through a similar situation and raved about the changes via naturopath. I’m happy with the experience and I totally believe in the connection. Traditional docs will help treat the symptoms, but you need to get to the root of your (possible) imbalance. Hang in there girl! 🙂

  4. Sorry duh, I couldn’t see the comments on my Blackberry and the second time I just straight up ignored the first comment, about you booking the NP! Der.

  5. I can personally relate to everything you are saying and my heart goes out to you! I just recently stopped breastfeeding and it has not returned yet…SCARED! I’ve had the white face comments starting in gym class as a girl, the unpredictability (usually too early!), heavy flow, adult acne, and mood swings (although sometimes it feels like much more than a swing). Please share if you come across something that helps you on your journey. I would love to hear! Thanks for your sweet comment by the way 🙂

    • Naomi Jesson says:

      I will definitely keep you posted Wendy! It’s so crazy what we go through as women. Are bodies are just amazing! I hope you got some birthday shopping in while you were in Vegas!

  6. lol – maybe it’s just not enough running ;p

  7. Rachelle Loeppky says:

    Just wanted to let you know mine was on the same path…went to see the naturopath and she said it was too much estrogen…too many meat with hormones, pesticides, age, chemicals…it’s too much for your body to process…she stuck me on a combination of things to help flush it all out and I feel 100 times better….much better than the hormone therapy I am sure the GP would have put me on…good luck with it and feel reassured it can get better!

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